You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
