If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
