Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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