I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
