I'm lost and stupid without you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
