I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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