yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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