I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
