Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
