why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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