I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
