Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im six kinds of drunk right now
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
