haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
