Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
