I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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