fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
