Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize