You're my little dorito
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
