Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
