You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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