If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
