Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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