So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
