well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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