mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
