One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
