So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
