There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
