her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
