My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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