That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
