New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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