Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
