You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
