capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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