tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
