I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
