Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
