I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
