bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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