Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
