How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
