Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
