Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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