The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
