insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
