I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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