He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
