you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter