Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
