can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.