By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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