I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.