Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful