So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
