I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
