I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
