my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
