Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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