Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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