Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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