Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize