Come see our sink grown plant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
