I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we should paint friendship bongs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
