Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
