Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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