apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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