i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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