oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
