i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
