my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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