I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
