Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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