Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
