The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
