You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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