Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You have to summon your inner elephant
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Everyone says I win the strip club
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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