didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
