note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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