Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
