don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
