I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
