what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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