she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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