Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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