she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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