I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
