I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
