whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize