If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
