More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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