Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
