I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
