I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
