thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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