that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
