I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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