i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do vagina's smell?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
