I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
